Saturday, January 15, 2011

Relationship Fact for Parents

During the Sun Stand Still series at our church (Elevation) one of the things that Pastor Steven said that had the biggest impact on me was:

The fact is ______ might be in a relationship that you don't want her/him to be in, but the reality is that God can pull her/him right back to where she should be...just ask Him.

I have several teenage nieces and nephews and children of our close friends who have entered the dating world. Sometimes it is going great...sometimes not so much. I sit back and watch the parents and it is clearly one of the hardest things to watch your child deal with, without being overbearing and therefore pushing your child away. The sentence above suggests that as parents we pray for and over our children when we know they are in a relationship that is bad for them rather than have a power struggle in our home. This of course is as long as they are truly not in harms way. You see, God has an amazing ability to help us and to open our children's eyes in ways we can't.

Before I met Joe I was in a relationship that was not one my parents cared for me to be in. I knew it...yet they never harped on it. My dad would wait for the perfect opportunites to point things out to me and then sit back and wait to see if my eyes would open on their own. (I am sure there was praying involved) This time frame and the way my parents handled it will forever be etched in my mind...oh and did I mention this relationship went on for years??? The end result was harsh...he was diagnosed with cancer when I was a freshman in college, I went with him daily to his radiation treatments at Sloan Kettering in NYC after my classes. Yes, my grades started to slip...but my parents never waivered in their support of me. In the end he decided to break up with me when his treatment was complete...(he went into remission and is still doing fine he has a wife and kids) right as I failed 2 classes and lost my scholarship. Here is where I hope to mirror my parents...they never, ever, ever said a word to me about losing the scholarship - and my family did need it, I was the first of 4 kids they would be helping go to college. They put my "broken heart" first, even though they were never big fans of the relationship.

After a few months he decided to try to call me again...at this point I was stronger, and all of the points my dad made to me along the way during that relationship had finally sunk it. So "on my own" (or at least I thought so) I had decided this was not the relationship I needed to be in.

Was it a case of growing up...or answered prayers??? I don't know, but what I am sure of is God knew I had learned from this relationship and that my dad set an amazing example of what a man should be like and treat me like and he sent my blessing right too me. I transferred to a less expensive college and met Joe right before I started there...and he was already attending that college.

It may not always be easy for you to sit back and watch your children date someone you don't think is the best choice...but take your case to a higher power instead of having a constant power struggle in your life.

2 comments:

Colleen Gebhardt said...

ugh. No dating. no.no.no. I'm praying now to have the patience like they did not to but in and kill somebody. You know how it feels when someone hurts your kids. You see red. This is printable material. I never got this far with him. :(

Jim, Heather, Jordan and Madison said...

M - your insight and thought is profound. I can only hope not to step in and like C want to kill whomever hurts my kids or the kids I love around me. We all know that sometimes hurt is the only way to appreciate the good that comes later, but it doesn't make it any easier. Thanks for pouring your heart out....always a great read.