Priorities

On Monday, we took Joseph for his 7 year well check-up. We LOVE our pediatrician and have been going to him for almost 10 years now. He is very caring and always asks the kids directly all of his questions. Well Joseph was ready for him on Monday - he told him all about the fact that he is now a black belt, that he loves to read and that he learned about money during math time. So Dr. Freeman had him spell words and answer math questions etc... As crazy as it sounds we were having a great time at the doctors office.

Now I need to back up - on Joseph's last visit to the doctor - Dr. Freeman asked him if he knew how to ride a bike - he didn't. Joseph was so involved in basketball, Tae Kwon do, skateboarding etc... that he never had an interest in riding the bike. When he told Dr. Freeman no he didn't know how to ride Dr. Freeman told him he wanted him to be riding by the next time he saw him. Well 2 weeks ago Joe and I spent the weekend helping Joseph learn to ride the bike - and he got it quickly, probably because he is older, and he loves it!!! So leading up to the appointment we were all telling him hey now you can tell Dr. Freeman you know how to ride a bike!!!

Back to the appointment - as we were wrapping up the visit I said to Joseph - "Is there anything else you want to tell Dr. Freeman about, you know that you have been working on...." So he says yes, "I am a Good Christian!!!" So I said yes you are Joseph AND you learned how to ride a bike. It really was so, so cute. He recently gave his life to Christ all on his own and has been really into learning about religions and commandments and the bible. I guess that was what he was most proud of.

Glad to know his priorities are in order.

How do you spell team???

Every year Danielle's dance teacher presents each girl in her class with an award. The awards vary from "most improved", "out of my shell", "dancing diva" and so on. The award you see above was the one Danielle got this year, "The no I in Team" award.

For me, this is the best one she has received. I really want my kids to grow up understanding that no matter how good they are at something, it is not about THEM, it is about the TEAM. And to hear her teacher say that Danielle is willing to help and work with other girls and do whatever is asked of her to help the team tells me her heart is in the right place.

To expand on that - we all see superstars who get paid millions to do something they love and excel at. But I wonder, are they happy or at what expense do they become the superstar, franchise player, the team would be lost without me person... Let's use Barry Bonds as an example - great home run hitter with pretty much no friends in the clubhouse. When the only person coming to congratulate you is the bat boy - you need to reevaluate and think if I was a better teammate would my joy today have been multiplied???

Please don't get me wrong, I too have sports figures I love to watch and I think are awesome - but my husband and my male friends will tell you - if they don't have good character I don't care how good they are, they just don't impress me.

Teach your kids to be team players, they will be better for it and hopefully more loved and respected than those who some how spell team with an "I" in it.

Public Apology and Happy Belated Birthday Amber!!!

One week ago today my LOVELY niece Amber turned 11. At the same time I posted my blog about our friend Kendall and I wanted to leave that post "on top" for a significant amount of time. It was not to slight my LOVELY niece in anyway. WELL I found out last night that she was upset with me that everyone else's Birthday made the blog - but not hers. Can you ever forgive me Amber???

She knows I love her - she knows I love to call her "my first born" - you see when Amber was only 4 months old her and Colleen came to live with me and Joe. We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment in Matthews and it was AWESOME!!! Colleen would work at Hops on Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights and then Saturday during the day. So Joe and I had Amber to ourselves A LOT!!! She was what I would politely call - a fussy baby - lots of issues with eating, formula etc... all out of her control - but still fussy. She love, love, loved to fall asleep with Joe holding her - it was to the point we called him "Uncle Goodnight" because he could always get her to calm down and fall asleep.

In the time they lived with us we experienced lots of firsts - her doing the army crawl, solid food and my personal favorite - her first word - Ma-Ma. The 4 of us were just sitting there and she looked at Colleen and said it and then me, Joe and Colleen looked at each other like - "Did she just say what I thought she said..."

More firsts we were there for - her first circus, trip to Disney, meal at a truck stop (a whole different blog...)

When Colleen and Amber moved back to NY for a few years it broke my heart - I cried and cried as the moving truck pulled away - but I told Amber then we would always be together in our hearts - we have a special song - from Tarzan - "You'll be in my heart" - I made sure she knew all the words before they left.

Thank goodness the path led them back to Charlotte and back to all of us.

So Happy Belated Birthday My Sweet!!!





Amber, Chloe & Danielle on our trip to Havelock to see The DellaRatta's


This is Amberlina - the one I am trying to avoid by posting now....


Another shot of Amberlina - sorry babe but you shouldn't have been so grumpy to me last night about this post....


The beautiful girl she is today - heading off to Middle School in the fall - say it isn't so.....

Homegoing Services

Joe and I just returned from Marion, NC where we attended the most beautiful "Homegoing Services" we have ever been to.

Our friend and neighbor Kendall Means passed away on Monday after a brave battle with cancer. He leaves behind an amazing wife (April) and an adorable 9 month old son (Baby Kendall). As well as many family members and friends who will miss him dearly.

Things that touched me the most about the service:

I was completely HONORED to be asked to take part in the service and be a Flower Bearer.

Kendalls Best Friend said exactly what any other person in the standing room only church would have said: Kendall brought people together, he was a seamster without a needle and thread. So, so true - and those words will stay with me forever.

The warmth of a small town that hugged us all and made us feel like part of their family. Everyone seemed familar but April said it is just the way it is in a small town.

The prayer of comfort by Mr. Gregory Means - most especially when he said Kendall said to him "It is not my will that will be done, but God's will." Kendall and April had said this from the very beginning of their battle. Neither one of them ever complained and they were always asking all of us how we were and what was going on in our lives.

April's parents and Brother "Pig" are an amazing source of strength for her and an amazingly loving family - everyone of us should be in a family like this.

Pastor's sermon when he spoke about how even the most faithful would be asking why? And how we sometimes don't get the answer from God right away - but one day we will. He said God works with two hands and we are always praying for the hand that holds the miracle, that makes the sick well, that takes away the hurt etc... But it is the other hand that we stuggle with, question and sometimes just don't understand. He said he even was asking why. I loved that he spoke so truthfully to all of us and on a level that was so real and understandable.

The Mt. Moriah Missionary Baptist Church Choir was AWESOME!!!

We have lost an amazing man, husband, father, son, brother and friend - but we will be together again and I pray that (as his program says) "When you must come this way alone, I'll greet you with a smile and say... Welcome Home" Kendall had an amazing smile that I hope to see again one day.

Rest in peace my friend.....




Charles "Kendall" Means
April 14, 1971 - May 11, 2009

Being aware of my children's surroundings

As a mom I take my "job" very seriously. You see as parents we have one shot at getting this right and that is always in the front of my mind.



When my kids want to participate in activities, go to friends houses, have play dates etc.... I am like a detective from Law & Order with my questions.



When Danielle wanted to play soccer with our niece Brianna - Joe signed up to be a coach. He also coached T-Ball when they wanted to play that. It was a benefit for all because Joe ended up becoming good friends with his co-coach.



When Joseph wanted to play soccer we signed him up at the Y, Joe didn't coach but he stayed at every practice. Turns out we loved his coach and requested him to be Joseph's coach the next two seasons. He was fair with playing time, treated the kids like they were his own and he taught them the most important things - to have good sportsmanship, not focus on winning or losing and to encourage your teammates and the other team. (The kids were 4, 5 & 6 before I get comments from diehard sports people....)



Danielle wanted her friend to take the bus home with her to play after school - in true kid fashion she didn't have the girls phone number. So knowing how I would feel about just sending Danielle home on a bus to someone's house I didn't know, I wrote the other mom a note. I told her the girls wanted to play, I let her know my mom lives with us and she would get them off the bus and at exactly what time I would be home, I let her know we didn't have any guns in our house (I would want to know this) and I told her if she wanted to call me or meet me I would be available to her. She did call me and the first thing she did was thank me for the letter - she said so often people just send their kids or want parents to send their kids to play and they don't even know where or who they are sending them too. She did come over, our families met and the girls now go to each other's houses to play.

When Danielle wanted to start dance class Colleen sat in the lobby of the building while her and Amber took class - she never just dropped them off. Many years later I do drop her off now - because I know her teacher, she has been with her for years and I can tell she loves her like she was her own.

Joseph has been in Tae Kwon do for a year and a half now - their staff has never changed, they care about the kids and we are very comfortable with them. Joe stays to watch him anyway - but we do leave him there for special events/teacher workdays now.

I would rather have all the kids in the neighborhood at my house eating and drinking me out of house and home than they be somewhere else because it allows me to know who they are with and what they are doing or what they are talking about.

While I know as they get older, Joe and I will have less control over where they go and who they spend their time with, I do feel if we plant the proper seeds now and surround them with people who share our belief's and values and who truly care about them, they will be more less likely to stray too far from them.

Why Did I Get Married???

Have you seen this movie? If you are married or in a relationship you should!!! Joe and I watched it on Saturday night. It is a great movie - once again Tyler Perry has written and directed an awesome film that we can all learn something from.

The story is about 4 couples who get together once a year to enrich their marriages. Sort of like your friends helping to keep you in check with reality and relationships.

I don't want to give too much away but here are what I considered the highlights without telling any one characters story:

In all marriages there is the 80/20 rule. You are pretty much guaranteed to get 80% of what you need/want from your spouse - you may meet someone else who seems like they have the 20% you are missing - but if you stray and go for the 20% you could lose the 80% forever.

If you are thinking about infidelity - think past the moment - past yourself and your needs - think about what it would do to your spouse - how it would hurt them - and also what it would/could do to your family.

If you are struggling in your relationship/marriage and are thinking about leaving - take the time to sit down with a piece of paper and on one side write all the good about the other person and on the other side write down the bad..... This exercise should help put it in perspective if you are totally honest with yourself.

And as Janet Jackson's character says so well:

Love God

Love Yourself

Love People

And you will have done the most important things in life.

Watch the movie and let me know what you think.