Brianna's Cinderella Story

This past Friday night my niece Brianna was the lead in her school play. The play was the first ever at Highland Creek Elementary. They are working on having a small drama club so the kids in 4th and 5th grade can be exposed before they get to Middle School. The play was Cinderella and everyone in the play had to go through try-outs and the weekly before and after school practices. All of the teachers involved gave a lot of their own free time and talents to work with the kids and the production showed that. Every kid involved in the play did a wonderful job - I was amazed at how well they all performed and how comfortable and confident they all were on stage.

Of course I paid special attention to Brianna...she was WONDERFUL, just wonderful. She even had a solo singing during the play. I did tape the entire performance and can't wait to re-watch her.

Brianna is my sweetest, quietest and non-attention grabbing niece for sure. To see her up on the stage looking and feeling so at ease brought me to tears. I made sure I told her after the performance how there were many, many adults who could never do what she just did and how proud I was of her.

Here is the really cute part...In "real life" I am Brianna's Godmother...since the "Fairy Godmother" plays such a big part in Cinderella's story I made sure I told as many people as I could that I was "Cinderella's Godmother!!!"

Cinderella

Cinderella and her coach


Brianna and her proud parents!!!

Tips for Wife's

Ok ladies, here are 10 Tips For You - along with my own commentary on each one....

Take care of yourself. Turns out that the best thing you can do for your husband is also good for you. Eat healthy foods, maintain good grooming, and exercise regularly. You'll look and feel better, and you'll continue to be the vibrant and attractive woman he fell in love with, no matter your age. If you feel better about yourself you will be more comfortable and confident and secure in your relationship.

Say thank you, often. When researchers ask men what they want from their wives, appreciation always makes the list. Everyone likes to be appreciated, so remember to notice the things your husband does—for you, for the kids, for the house—and thank him. You'll put a smile on his face and a little joy in his heart. I will admit I can be better at this...but I am working on it. Joe does a lot around our house...and I am very thankful for that...just need to be better about saying it to him on a regular basis.

Keep the romance alive. When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive. I do pride myself on this one...giving Joe compliments comes very naturally to me...he is still HOT!!! And he takes pride in his appearance and I like to let him know that I notice.

Let him have "guy time." Everyone needs time for themselves—to relax, enjoy a hobby, or socialize with friends. If your husband loves football and you don't, don’t bug him about it. Encourage him to cultivate friendships with other men. He'll enjoy the companionship. Studies show that people with friends tend to live longer, healthier lives. Ladies this is MUCHO important. I learned from a very wise friend of mine years ago (she just hit 28 years married) that men are wired a little different than women and then need to "hang with the boys" occasionally. And PLEASE don't nag them about it when they get home or before they leave. And do not keep score on which of the two of you has more free time or gets out with friends more...in the end it will most likely all even out...and if it doesn't will it really matter???

Make your husband a priority. With the everyday stresses of work, home, and kids, it's easy to take your husband for granted. Make time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. Take an interest in his work and hobbies. Let him know he's important to you. Don't wait for him to plan a date...Plan one and surprise him...think about how great it will feel that you are getting to do exactly what you want because you planned it and you are not waiting around for him to read your mind.

Don't try to change him. Are you outgoing, but your husband is shy? Do you like a clean house, but he leaves towels on the floor? Behavioral experts say you can't change others, you can only change yourself and how you react—so look for ways other than nagging to handle these situations. Compromise on social activities by making them shorter, or go by yourself. Place a laundry basket in the bathroom. And when he attends a party or puts dirty towels in their proper place, thank him. Positive reinforcement beats nagging every time. Socially Joe and I are very compatible...clean house...lets just say we are still (16 years later) still trying to find a happy medium...but we have both taken great steps toward the middle of that road.

Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want. It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know. I used to believe that Joe should know me well enough to know what I would like...and it is not that he doesn't...we just need to accept that men are wired differently and they will have AWESOME moments where they know and do (like when Joe got me a stainless steel grill for Christmas one year, or this year when we weren't exchanging gifts but somehow a Nikon 3000 camera was under the tree) but it is not going to happen every time.

Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage. Once you’re married, it's easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend. Make time for friendships outside your marriage. You'll have more fun and bring new energy to your relationship. I give myself and "A" in this...although Joe is probably my best friend and the person I most enjoy spending my time with...I know that certain things are better discussed with my sisters or girlfriends. I do not expect him to be my "do all/end all."

Let free time be free. Just as you need time to relax and unwind, so does your husband. He may not define it the way you do, though; while your idea of relaxing after work may be talking over a glass of wine, he may enjoy being quiet for awhile, reading the newspaper, or watching TV. Find a compromise so both your needs are met. And give him time to recharge by not over-scheduling weekends with home projects and shopping. Most men do not have the desire to have extended conversation they way women do. Accept it.

Believe in your husband, and let him know it. Men can display a lot of bravado, but like us they sometimes struggle with low self-confidence and feelings of failure. And because men approach the world as competitors, they sometimes end up feeling like losers. When he comes home, your husband needs to know that the person he values most in the world believes in him—especially when he doesn't believe in himself. I would hope Joe would say I do a good job at this. I think he is the best handy man, fix it guy that a wife could have. Our home is beautiful and it is all because of Joe's hard work. Paint, running wires, ceiling fans, even putting in a wood floor...and I love to show off his work. Same at his job...he gives 100+% of himself and I do my best to let him know that I see that and how capable he is.

Tips for Husbands

My/Our lives have been so, so busy lately that I have been feeling like Joe and I need to remind ourselves to focus on our relationship/marriage. We are coming up on 16 years of being married and have for the most part been very good about nurturing our relationship through the years. Our kids are getting a little older and are getting a lot active!!! It is a rare occasion that we are home in the house after work on a weeknight for the entire evening...this makes for very hectic times. My goal is to not let "Joe & Marie, the couple" get lost in all of the business/hecticness of life. We are reading a daily devotional that is focused on marriage (sometimes I am playing catch up and reading 3 or 4 days worth at once) we have a long weekend planned for later this year and for our anniversary in August I decided I would plan a nice "date" for us and I have already done that!!!

So with all of that said and in sticking with a "relationship" theme for this week here are 10 tips I found for husbands:

Take an interest in something your wife is really passionate about. This can be especially tough for guys, because we generally feel that if someone else has interests that differ from ours, they're morons. It's not an easy task, and being able to show interest in something that matters to someone you love shows growth—and that's terrifying. Good, but terrifying. Accomplish this and you'll make her feel better about herself, and you get better insight into what makes her tick.

Put the kids to bed. Once a week give her the night off and put the kids to bed by yourself. Let her take a hot bath, read a book, or check gossip on the Web and forget about the kids. I'm always amazed how happy this makes my wife. It ranks somewhere between low-end jewelry and a Hawaiian vacation.

Learn to apologize. This is the easiest one, and the hardest one. A marriage is a marathon, and we all fly off the handle too quick or let our temper get the best of us sometimes. When you're wrong, it's best to step up and apologize. It's amazing how fast "I'm sorry" can defuse a stupid argument about something you can't even remember.

Thank her for putting up with you. Every once in a while, just thank her for putting up with you. That's all you have to say. Don't launch into a list of your faults, or the story about coming home two days late from that Vegas bachelor party. Just thank her, and let her know that you understand that you're not the easiest person in the world to live with.

Clean up after yourself. Take care of that late night snack or morning cereal bowl. Setting them in the sink is one thing, but go that extra mile and actually put them in the dishwasher. After all, no one enjoys scraping bacon dip off a bowl that's been sitting too long or smelling the chili from the night before. A beer bottle on the counter the next morning is even worse.

Make time for just the two of you. Take her on a date once a month. Surprise her by arranging child care, ordering a pizza for the kids, and getting a sitter. She will be so thrilled at your ability to take care of the details that reservations at the best restaurant in town aren't even necessary. The fact that you love her enough to do this would make a Big Mac taste like cracked crab.

Groom yourself. Don't embarrass her when you venture out of the house. Check the ears, nose, neck and yes, feet for hair or other growths that shouldn't be there. She not only wants you to impress her friends by how you act, but also by how you look.

Get away from the family. Yep, you're getting a free pass. This takes a left turn from the others, but it's essential. Get away from all your responsibilities and go camping or on a golf outing with the guys. You'll laugh, relax, and recharge your batteries. And all three will make you a much better husband when you return.

Deal with your side of the family. Help your wife set expectations with your side of the family when it comes to making plans. Don't make her inform your parents that they won't be seeing their grandkids on Christmas this year—pick up the phone and do it yourself. Dealing with extended family can be a huge stress throughout the year, and you don't want the burden to fall entirely on her.

Don't lose your dating manners. Remember, she's your wife, not one of your buddies. Don't burp during dinner, or squeeze one out during the movie as she's reaching for the popcorn. You wouldn't have done that while you were dating, and you shouldn't do it now. Continue to try and impress her. Do everything you can to keep the fire alive, and fight the urge to let the passion die. Find the new, hot place to eat or take her to see a cool band that's in town. Have fun, laugh, and make sure you tell her how great she looks.

Stay tuned ladies...I found tips for us as well.

The 80/20 Rule

For those of you familiar with Tyler Perry movies - especially the "Why Did I Get Married" series, you have heard about the 80/20 rule.

This rule states that most of us get 80% of what we need from a marriage yet we tend to go after the 20% that someone outside can provide for us because it appears to be more to you when it really isn't.

Be mindful of that when you see the 20% you think you are missing in someone else. Would you really chance losing the 80% you have???

Every marriage has ups and downs, the key is how you and your spouse handle them. It is much easier to be frustrated and walk away then it is to stay put, stick it out and work through it. When we are in the moment whether it is the moment we are struggling with our spouse or the moment we are thinking the "20" has so much to offer us, we don't think clearly about the "80" and how hard it would be to live without.

I encourage you to keep a short list (maybe 5 things) about your spouse that make them the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with...and then review the list often and remind yourself why you chose them...especially when you think the "20" is really looking good.

I will close with a quote from Pastor Steven...who must have seen these movies:

"Think long & hard before leaving the 80% you love in an attempt to find the missing 20% elsewhere. Stay planted."

Mother's Day

This is my Mother's Day post from 2008. I want to repost it as a reminder of how much these ladies mean to me.

In honor of Mother’s Day this is a tribute to all of the amazing mom’s I have been blessed to know throughout my life, some of these wonderful women are no longer with us but I could never forget the impact they had on my life. These ladies are the mother’s of the people closest to my heart.

Patricia Maiorino – my mother-in-law. You raised a wonderful son who I love and adore. You treat both of your daughter-in-laws like we are your own. You are never demanding, overbearing or unreasonable. You love seeing your family all together and it shows when we sit and watch you watching all the kids.

Regina Bivens – not only are you an adopted “grandma” to my children, but you are wonderful to me. Having you here in Charlotte has enriched my life. I feel like I am an extension of your family. You provide amazing support for me when I need it most.

Marlene Weber – You gave me the friend of a lifetime!!! I tell my sister all the time that everyone needs a Suzie. Your home was always open to me and we always had a fun time with you. Not many moms had the Trans Am with t-tops!!! Your strength as you battled cancer was inspirational. You were never down or feeling sorry for yourself, you always saw the bright side of things.

Mayme “Snookie” Johnson – I feel so lucky that you came to live in Charlotte. To get the opportunity to get so close to a woman who raised such an amazing man was truly a privilege for me. My children were blessed to have you at a time in their life that was not so easy.

Mary Jane Peake – You have raised a strong, independent daughter that has held me up many times when I thought I would fall. Listening to Tina talk about you brings me great joy. I love that your house if filled with family every Sunday, not just on Holidays. It says a lot about the kind of mother you are.

Josephine Lisanti – Your entire family means the world to me!!! Joe and I always felt at home at all of your functions. For us to be a part of the closeness that your own family and your extended family share was and continues to be a blessing.

Susan DellaRatta – You also have given me a friend of a lifetime!!! You have been a big part of my life for over 25 years now. Even when you are a guest in my home it is like having an extra mom there who is willing to do anything to help me. I love that Danielle, Joseph, Alexa and Chloe are having the same experience of blending the families that Tom and I did.

Concetta Casertano – My amazing grandmother. You were the glue that kept the family together!!! You taught us about loyalty, commitment and most importantly to be grateful for all we have and don’t waste time thinking about what we don’t. Your faith in the “Dear Lord” gave you remarkable poise and strength. To have had you for 90+ years is one of the biggest blessings God has given me. I will never be able to express all I learned from you, but I sure do try.

Roseann Corbett – The “bestest” mom ever!!! What can I say that has not already been said over and over and over? You are a pillar of strength for your children and grandchildren and your “adopted” children and grandchildren. You are tireless when it comes to helping everyone and their kids. There is not a selfish bone in your body. You and Daddy taught us all the value of family and how important it is to keep your children close, but to let them spread their wings as well. None of us would be where we are today without all the love and support we get from you. All nine (we are up to 10 as of March 2010) of your grandchildren are very lucky to have such a hands on grandmother – they will benefit from your love and guidance throughout their lives.
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NEW ADDITION for 2010

Suzie Hunt - aka Gram - What can I say...you have won the heart of my daughter and the rest of our family. Your presence at the dance studio is always welcoming, calming and supportive. To see you with Danielle and cheering her on like she is your own grandkid just warms my heart. It is very easy to see where Charyl gets all of her great qualities from. Thank you for making us part of your family.

AWESOME Disney Special

Disney is running an AWESOME special for most nights between 8/15/10 - 10/2/10 - FREE DINING!!!

Contact me at MarieM@dreammakersvaca.com or 704-773-8554 so I can help you plan a trip.