Tips for Wife's

Ok ladies, here are 10 Tips For You - along with my own commentary on each one....

Take care of yourself. Turns out that the best thing you can do for your husband is also good for you. Eat healthy foods, maintain good grooming, and exercise regularly. You'll look and feel better, and you'll continue to be the vibrant and attractive woman he fell in love with, no matter your age. If you feel better about yourself you will be more comfortable and confident and secure in your relationship.

Say thank you, often. When researchers ask men what they want from their wives, appreciation always makes the list. Everyone likes to be appreciated, so remember to notice the things your husband does—for you, for the kids, for the house—and thank him. You'll put a smile on his face and a little joy in his heart. I will admit I can be better at this...but I am working on it. Joe does a lot around our house...and I am very thankful for that...just need to be better about saying it to him on a regular basis.

Keep the romance alive. When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive. I do pride myself on this one...giving Joe compliments comes very naturally to me...he is still HOT!!! And he takes pride in his appearance and I like to let him know that I notice.

Let him have "guy time." Everyone needs time for themselves—to relax, enjoy a hobby, or socialize with friends. If your husband loves football and you don't, don’t bug him about it. Encourage him to cultivate friendships with other men. He'll enjoy the companionship. Studies show that people with friends tend to live longer, healthier lives. Ladies this is MUCHO important. I learned from a very wise friend of mine years ago (she just hit 28 years married) that men are wired a little different than women and then need to "hang with the boys" occasionally. And PLEASE don't nag them about it when they get home or before they leave. And do not keep score on which of the two of you has more free time or gets out with friends more...in the end it will most likely all even out...and if it doesn't will it really matter???

Make your husband a priority. With the everyday stresses of work, home, and kids, it's easy to take your husband for granted. Make time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. Take an interest in his work and hobbies. Let him know he's important to you. Don't wait for him to plan a date...Plan one and surprise him...think about how great it will feel that you are getting to do exactly what you want because you planned it and you are not waiting around for him to read your mind.

Don't try to change him. Are you outgoing, but your husband is shy? Do you like a clean house, but he leaves towels on the floor? Behavioral experts say you can't change others, you can only change yourself and how you react—so look for ways other than nagging to handle these situations. Compromise on social activities by making them shorter, or go by yourself. Place a laundry basket in the bathroom. And when he attends a party or puts dirty towels in their proper place, thank him. Positive reinforcement beats nagging every time. Socially Joe and I are very compatible...clean house...lets just say we are still (16 years later) still trying to find a happy medium...but we have both taken great steps toward the middle of that road.

Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want. It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know. I used to believe that Joe should know me well enough to know what I would like...and it is not that he doesn't...we just need to accept that men are wired differently and they will have AWESOME moments where they know and do (like when Joe got me a stainless steel grill for Christmas one year, or this year when we weren't exchanging gifts but somehow a Nikon 3000 camera was under the tree) but it is not going to happen every time.

Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage. Once you’re married, it's easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend. Make time for friendships outside your marriage. You'll have more fun and bring new energy to your relationship. I give myself and "A" in this...although Joe is probably my best friend and the person I most enjoy spending my time with...I know that certain things are better discussed with my sisters or girlfriends. I do not expect him to be my "do all/end all."

Let free time be free. Just as you need time to relax and unwind, so does your husband. He may not define it the way you do, though; while your idea of relaxing after work may be talking over a glass of wine, he may enjoy being quiet for awhile, reading the newspaper, or watching TV. Find a compromise so both your needs are met. And give him time to recharge by not over-scheduling weekends with home projects and shopping. Most men do not have the desire to have extended conversation they way women do. Accept it.

Believe in your husband, and let him know it. Men can display a lot of bravado, but like us they sometimes struggle with low self-confidence and feelings of failure. And because men approach the world as competitors, they sometimes end up feeling like losers. When he comes home, your husband needs to know that the person he values most in the world believes in him—especially when he doesn't believe in himself. I would hope Joe would say I do a good job at this. I think he is the best handy man, fix it guy that a wife could have. Our home is beautiful and it is all because of Joe's hard work. Paint, running wires, ceiling fans, even putting in a wood floor...and I love to show off his work. Same at his job...he gives 100+% of himself and I do my best to let him know that I see that and how capable he is.